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Imagine this: You’ve had a fantastic day at work and are planning to hit the bar with your friends. But then your boss calls you into their office and drops a bomb, saying your latest project isn’t up to par.
Suddenly, you’re spiraling. Did you mess up badly? Are you getting fired? Or is your boss just looking for an excuse to get rid of you?
Your head starts exploding—the office convo plays on a loop. You are convinced that your boss thinks you are the worst employee ever.
Sounds familiar?
We’ve all been there. While most people are able to shrug it off and move on, some of us get caught up in our own little self-sabotaging worlds. As if everyone is out there to get us.
If you frequently get trapped by such thoughts and take everything personally, here are 13 tired-and-tested tips to chill out and live a more carefree life.
1. Chill, Babe. It’s Not Always About You.
Let me share a secret—most people who say or do something to you that feels like a sucker punch do not even mean it. It’s not a personal attack, they’re either just busy, stressed, or plain oblivious.
Everyone’s got their own baggage, boo. Your bestie might be dealing with a toxic relationship, your boyfie has got some work stress or that random stranger who snapped at you? Yeah, they might have recently lost someone.
So, cut yourself some slack, and cut them some, too. What feels like a “low-key jab at me” might just be your paranoia talking.
Before you start planning your revenge plot, ask yourself, “Is this really about me?” Use your reflective skills to think about other possibilities and do a reality check.
Trust me, it’s much more relaxing than believing everything your steaming-hot brain tells you.
2. Don’t Be a Know-It-All.
Have you ever watched a thriller movie where you think you’ve guessed the ending, but oh girl, were you way off!?
Jumping to conclusions in real life is pretty much like that. You think you’ve pieced it all together, but spoiler alert—you’re totally wrong.
Instead of channeling your inner Sherlock Holmes and creating a backstory for whatever happened, hit the pause button and realize that you are not a know-it-all.
There’s more to the story than meets the eye, and not guessing things will save you from all that unnecessary hurt, drama, and stress.
3. Not Everyone’s Gonna Like You, and That’s Okay.
I know, this one is tricky.
It’s not easy to stop chasing validation from everyone and your neighbor’s cat. But you’ve got to do it, girl. Because guess what? You’re not a slice of pizza—so not everyone’s gonna be drooling over you.
You must realize that your worth is not defined by what other people think of you. You don’t have to fit into every group, social gathering, or mold that life throws at you.
Don’t want to give up your seat on the bus for someone older than you because you’re feeling unwell? That’s absolutely fine.
Honey, it’s okay to take a stand for what you believe in, even if someone doesn’t like you for that. Put your energy into people who get you—that’s all that matters (and of course, YOU).
4. Take a Step Back Before You React.
So, someone gets under your skin and the first thing you do is dive headfirst into reaction mode? Woah, woah, take a breather, She-hulk.
You must never act in the heat of the moment, because there’s no undo button for life. Words are powerful and you cannot take back what you say in rage.
The best thing to do is take a moment and be rational. Ask yourself if the argument is really worth your energy or if you’re reading too much into this.
You’ll thank yourself for keeping your cool, not making a scene, and staying classy.
5. Clear the Air.
The best way to stop taking things personally is to be direct and ask for clarification. Because most times, it’s probably just a misunderstanding.
Someone would say or do something, you’d assume that they are throwing shade your way, and pop off.
Don’t let your mind run wild with all sorts of drama. Clear the air by asking “Can you explain what you meant by that?” It shows you’re a mature and practical adult who doesn’t stew in confusion.
So, the next time you face such a situation, simply speak up and ask for clarity.
6. Practice Self-Love
It’s one thing to say “I love myself” and another, to actually practice it. Because if you truly loved and valued yourself for who you are, you wouldn’t doubt your worth every time someone offends you.
I believe self-love is more than a buzzword. You can do all those fancy self-care routines and still let the world sting you.
Because this love needs to come from within. You wouldn’t let anyone trash-talk your fam, right? Then why are you so hard on yourself?
Celebrate yourself—your strengths, weaknesses, quirks, fears, opinions. That’s what makes you, YOU. It’s easier to brush off negativity when you are your personal cheerleader.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Help.
Emotions can be overwhelming. To an extent that it might seem impossible to get out of the whirlwind.
When the thought spiral gets exhausting, reach out to a friend, relative, or therapist. Talk it out, learn fresh perspectives, and reframe the situation.
Don’t get stuck in the emotional fog and seek help to handle your hurt feelings better.
8. Explore Your Feelings and Insecurities
Often it’s not about them, but ourselves.
A comment about your work can stem from being insecure about your skills or performance. A friend’s social media post about a social gathering can sting you because you feel excluded and fear abandonment.
Rather than blaming the other person, take a trip down your feelings—what’s bubbling up inside?
Maybe a past experience has wounded you deeply, leading to casual critiques feeling like a slap on the face. Or you’re constantly worried about your body image, which triggers self-doubt as soon as someone comments on your looks.
Reflect on such insecurities—the reason why they exist and how they influence your thoughts. That way you’ll be able to navigate these “supposable” personal attacks better.
9. It’s Okay to Feel Things.
And in case you’re thinking, “Why am I so pathetic or negative?”, lemme tell you this—you’re human, it’s only natural to feel hurt.
Feelings are essential and there’s nothing wrong with having negative thoughts. What matters is not giving them the power to control you.
You don’t have to ignore these waves of self-doubt. Accept them, reflect on why this is happening, and learn to move on.
10. Find the Silver Lining.
When life seems like a disaster, you make a freakin’ blockbuster movie out of it.
So what if you had a work spat? It’s not the end of the world. Life is full of hiccups and if you make a big deal out of every single one, you’ll be left with nothing.
Say you got rejected for a job. Sure, it hurts. You prepared a lot but didn’t land your dream job. But maybe the universe is nudging you towards something else, something more beautiful and all the more worthy.
So, flip the script and look on the bright side of life!
11. Keep Yourself Occupied.
An empty mind is a devil’s workshop. The best way to avoid going down the spiral is to keep yourself busy.
Find hobbies that bring you joy and meet people who calm you down. Take a walk down the street, catch a sunset, or binge the latest crime thriller to keep yourself hooked.
I know I said that you must not ignore your feelings. But you don’t need to dwell on them for hours, either. Find ways to distract yourself and give overthinking a vacation.
12. Don’t Stress Over Things You Can’t Change.
A hard pill to swallow, but it’s time to accept this—you can neither change what has already happened nor control other people.
It’s best to let go of certain things and remove that extra drama from life. Only then will you be able to create space for more meaningful things.
If your boss isn’t happy with your performance, use this opportunity to reflect on your performance and improve it. Do what’s in your control and leave the rest to the universe.
13. Learn to Roll With the Punches.
We all love cookies, right?
Here’s my final tip—be one. Be the toughest cookie on this planet. Don’t let anyone disrupt your peace of mind.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and sell it to fund your next adventure. Embrace challenges, adjust your approach, and come back stronger than a 90s trend, babe!
Coz I’m rooting for ya!
