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Ever caught yourself belting out the lyrics to a self-love anthem, only to glance around your cluttered room and feel a pang of irony? 🙋♀️ Yep, been there, done that.
There are countless songs about loving yourself and influencers flaunting their picture-perfect lives in the name of self-care, but is it really what we want? Yes to the songs, but we also want some magic formula to replicate that in our messy lives.
I used to think that loving myself meant having it all together—flawless skin, a perfectly curated Instagram feed, and an endless supply of inspirational quotes. But, let’s be real, most days I’m just trying to remember where I left my keys! 🗝️
Here’s the thing—self-love isn’t reserved for those with immaculate morning routines or flawless skin. It’s for all of us, even on our worst hair days and during those 2 a.m. existential crises. It’s about finding small, realistic ways to be kinder to ourselves, even on our messiest days.
So, how do we actually do that?
1. Get to Know Yourself (Like Truly)
Of course, you know yourself better than anyone could, but do you reaaaaaaaaally know your likes, dislikes, dreams, fears, aspirations, and downsides.
We have two faces, one for the world and one for us. But we are so used to using that “worldly” face that we often forget what we are deep inside.
So, when was the last time you spent quality time with yourself? No, I don’t mean binge-watching Netflix. I mean, dating yourself—take yourself out on solo dates, journal your thoughts, or simply sit in a quiet space and reflect. You might discover that you have some pretty cool traits and hobbies you never gave yourself credit for!
2. Talk to Yourself as a cute lil Child
Imagine speaking to your younger self—full of curiosity, wonder, and innocence. What would you say? Would you be harsh and critical, or would you offer words of encouragement and love?
Picture a little version of you, wide-eyed and full of curiosity. Wouldn’t you tell her she’s doing her best and that it’s okay to make mistakes?
The next time you catch that inner critic, flip the script. Would you scold a young child for making a mistake, or would you comfort and guide them? Use that same compassionate tone with yourself.
For example, if you miss a deadline at work, instead of spiraling into self-doubt, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and focus on what you can do to improve next time.
3. Forgive Yourself
Do you hold onto past mistakes like they’re prized possessions? It’s time to drop that baggage. Seriously, everyone makes mistakes—yes, even Beyoncé! That’s what makes us human.
We’ve all messed up—maybe you missed a deadline, said something you regret, or fell short of a goal. But holding onto guilt is like dragging around an invisible weight. What if you could just… let it go? Just say aloud, “I forgive myself today and assure myself I will do better tomorrow.” Forgiving yourself is insanely crucial for self-love.
Of course, forgiving yourself doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior; it means acknowledging your humanity and moving forward.
4. Say “No” When You Mean No
Have you ever said “yes” to something you didn’t want to do just to please others? 🙋♀️ I’ve done that at least a thousand times, and I know it’s exhausting and hard. I also know that you do it just because you don’t want to be rude, hurt others, disappoint them, fear missing out, or simply just can’t say no.
But, girl, saying “no” is actually a form of self-care. It says that you prioritize yourself more. It is actually the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.
Start small—decline that extra work assignment or skip a social event you’re dreading. Practice saying, “Thanks for the invite, but I’ll pass this time.” It’s liberating, trust me! Remember, every “no” is a “yes” to something you truly value.
Spend that time to relax, meet people you wanna meet, eat or drink whatever you’re in a mood for. That is exactly how you can show yourself some love, instead of others.
5. Do Nice Things for Yourself Just Because
When was the last time you did something nice for yourself, just because? Whether it’s buying yourself a bouquet of flowers because it’s a Tuesday, taking a long bubble bath because you did nothing productive at work today, or treating yourself to that fancy coffee because you could spare $5, small acts of kindness towards yourself can make a huge difference.
They aren’t just frivolous—they’re essential. They signal to you that you are worth the effort.
We often wait for special occasions to pamper ourselves, to burn that candle, to wear that outfit, to use that face mask, but why not make every day a little special?
I’m not trying to be negative, but what if you die tomorrow? Or lose a limb? (Just a joke, guys, but see the point) Today is fu*king special. You are fu*king special. So treat it like it.
6. Play More guilt-free. Have fun.
When did life become so serious? Think back to when you were a kid and play was a natural part of every day. Who says you have to stop, now that you’re all big and responsible?
Whether it’s a spontaneous dance party in your living room, a game night with friends, trying out a new hobby like painting or skateboarding or just doodling in a sketchbook. I recently took up hula hooping—it’s silly, fun, and surprisingly good exercise!
If you feel silly about ‘playing,’ that’s even more reason to do just that.
7. Try to Become More “You”
Ever feel like you’re wearing a mask and trying to please everyone but yourself? It’s time to take that mask off and become more you.
Becoming more “you” means shedding any personas you’ve adopted to fit in. I know it’s easier said than done but start by thinking about what makes you unique—your quirks, passions, and dreams.
Whatever it is, make time for it. Give yourself permission to indulge in your lamest, most unproductive (or productive) interests and passions.
I remember my first few days of college. When people tried talking to me, I always sprinkled a bit of sass and sarcasm in my words. But apparently, not many people are a fan of it. I wondered, where am I going wrong?
Until one fine day, my now best friend reciprocated in the same way. Had I stopped being “more me,” a.k.a. sarcastic and sassy, I would have never found my true set of people with whom i can genuinely have fun.
Remember, there’s no one else like you, and that’s your superpower! Replace the need for external validation with internal joy. Trust me, the world will love the authentic you even more.
8. Celebrate tiny, little wins, too!
Who says you need to wait for big achievements to be celebrated? Those little victories count, too! Did you manage to get out of bed on a tough day? That’s a win!
Finished a book you’ve been reading for months? Another win! Chose to eat a salad over a burger? Sounds like a win to me!
These little celebrations make life sweeter and remind you that progress, no matter how small, is worth acknowledging. And of course, it fuels motivation and builds confidence.
9. Take Care of Your Body
Remember when you were a kid, and your mom told you to eat your veggies and get enough sleep? Turns out, she wasn’t wrong! Taking care of your body is foundational to loving yourself. Incorporate nutritious foods into your diet, stay hydrated, and get regular exercise.
But don’t stop there—self-care includes listening to your body’s needs. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re stressed, take a break. Your body is your home; treat it with the same love and respect you would your dream house.
10. Take Breaks (Seriously!)
When was the last time you took a break? Like a real one, where you didn’t check emails or think about work?
You know what’s the most common thing I feel when taking breaks? GUILT! I know you feel that too, but should it stop you from getting a 5 minute rejuvination break? NO!!
Breaks are essential for your mental health and productivity. Whether it’s a five-minute break during work or a weekend getaway, give yourself permission to rest.
I remember feeling burnt out from constant work until I started scheduling “ 20 minutes me-time” every day. Sometimes, that means binging on a favorite show or just doing nothing. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Recharge and come back stronger.
Plus, imagine how much more you could achieve with a clear, rested mind!
Related articles to how to love yourself
- 14 Stupid Simple Habits to Improve Your Mental Health for a Happier Headspace
- 43 Powerful Self-Improvement Tips to Shift Gear from Average to Best!
- 24 Fun Hobbies for Women Who Want to Live Life Fully—Time to Find Your New Obsession!
- How to Romanticize Your Life, a.k.a. Actually Start Loving It—No Excuses
